Peer Pressure Survival Skills .pdf >>
The PROBLEM -- kids want to be individuals,
different from their parents, but NOT different from their
friends. Need to fit in and be accepted
Teaching Survival Skills to Resist Peer Pressure
From Dr. Ken Ginsburg’s But I’m Almost 13
- How other actions can avoid risk –
Use fictional or real events affecting others as they are
not as threatening.
Television show– “Now she could have handled
that differently, don’t you think?”
News Show – “How do you think that they get
kids your age to try drugs?”
- The importance of “NO.”
Kids don’t like to say no because it sounds mean.
- For parents -- When you say “NO,” mean
it. Be consistent.
- Teach that “No” should not sound like
maybe. Teach how to say, “No” with clarity
and firmness so it is absolutely not negotiable.
- Use “secret” role play to teach. “How
would you handle that?”
- How to Recognize Lines – show
kids how manipulative some people can be by discussing other
people’s use of and response to lines.
How to Respond to Lines
- “What a line! That’s ridiculous! What do
you think they want out of you?”
- “Why do you think he told her that? Do you think
she should believe him? Will she fall for that line?
Shift the Blame – It is normal
for children to not want to oppose their peers and to want
their approval. You can help by being willing to be the
heavy and take the blame. You can develop a secret
code, not shared with anyone else that is used
only in an emergency. Never punish your child for getting
in a difficult situation or she/he will not come back to
you for help in another crisis. Discuss how proud you are
he/she left and strategies for avoiding similar situations.
Then change the code word to be able to use it again.
- Teens don’t want to take an unpopular stand.
Since they want to remain on friendly terms, the line
must show that the subject is not negotiable and they
can still be friends. It needs to soften the blow or
extend the discussion of why the teenager will not buy
- Responses should be immediate, clear, allow no room
for negotiation and end with a period not a question
- Example – “Oh, come on. Everybody does
this stuff. Just once. How will you know if you like
it or not unless you try it?”
Option 1 – A reasonable conversation
with no room for negotiation, that softens the blow
and suggests something else to do. “Look, I know
you’re my friend. I want to hang out with you
– just not when you’re high. When you’re
straight, let’s play basketball. I’ll probably
still be at the courts.”
Option 2 – A reverse the pressure
response. “You know if you were really my friend,
you wouldn’t pressure me about this.”
Create a Rumor – Give your child
an acceptable reason to tone down the offending behavior.
Your child complains that you are forcing him/her to give
up a certain behavior because you have lowered the boom.
“I’ll be grounded for a month if my parents
learn that I ….again.” Ex. to prevent smoking
-- “They smell me every time I come home.”
How do you make winning choices?
- Put "STOP Signs" in your life.
If you do not know where you should stop, you will go through
the stop sign. Guys are affected by sight while girls are
affected by touch. Once touch becomes part of the equation
it is much more difficult to STOP. Remember -- momentum.
If you don’t slow down, you won’t be able to
- Develop "good" friendships
with people who know and agree with your values and beliefs.
• 25% of 13-17 year olds said they had felt pressured
by their friends to have sex.
- Avoid tough situations - most problems
occur at your home, after school when you are alone. Be
alone in public places.
- Have an "Escape Plan." If you
are at a party and drugs, alcohol, or “Truth or Dare”
becomes “Kiss the Body Part” get out. Remember
your "code word" and have parents come and get
Ways to Avoid Date Pressure: (Adapted from
the American Social Health Association’s List)
- Hang out with friends who also believe that it's OK to
not be ready for sex yet.
- Date several people and hang out with different groups
- Go out with a group of friends rather than only your
- Introduce your friends to your parents.
- Invite your friends to your home.
- Always carry money for a telephone call or cab in case
you feel uncomfortable.
- Stick up for your friends if they are being pressured
to drink, smoke or have sex.
- Think of what you would say in advance in case someone
tries to pressure you.
- Be ready to call your mom, dad or a friend to pick you
up if you need to leave.
- Never feel obligated to "pay someone back"
with sex in return for an expensive date or gift.
- Say "no" and mean "no" if that's
how you feel.
- Don’t let anyone talk you into drinking.
- Notice if friends, especially your driver, are or have
- Don’t get into close, private situations with someone
who has been drinking.
- Don’t let a friend who has been drinking go off
alone with someone.
- Always have an "escape plan"
in case your driver has been drinking.
- The less you drink, the more you will be aware of everyone
else, your driver, your friend - and even someone you don’t
know who could hurt you.
Mary Lee O’Connell, CRNP - 8/04